wrestling

dear friends,

i am at the point in creation when my mind is yelling, you are so busy. you are so tired at me much of the day. what's new is that i am aware that this is happening. and i continue to have very precious moments when i know that there is all the time in the world.

it's fascinating to feel loaded down by a huge pack and realize that I put that pack on, it is of my own making, i can take some sh-t out already!

it does not have to be perfect!
i don't have to do everything before the door opens!
it's going to be beautiful in process!

wrestling with doing just enough, not too hard, not too soft, and getting out of here--my house, which is the seat of my work. and mending this month-long lung cough thing. i want to go out dancing tonight but instead i'm going to get good night sleep. maybe i'll visit the big town tomorrow for yoga, distance, and the supply list.

i do feel very tired.

maybe i'll stay home and prune trees.

all the world is waking up around me and i want to dig in my heels: not yet! or, be done already! the old illusion of a finish line.

a wish list:
every person who is helping me get this business/social service/forest preschool off the ground feels valued and at ease. and that they say no when i've asked too much of them.
i listen to my self: spin, dance, rest, write, meditate.
if i choose to watch a movie instead, i forgive myself. like eating pancake for supper--not my wisest choice, but yum.
love making, please.
surrender to the art of bookkeeping.
some brilliant person who tells me exactly how to make my back feel better. and then it hardly hurts ever again. ha!

this is me today.

thanks for listening.

love you,

k.