a lilac day

the lilacs are blooming at stormwell. there grows a hedge thick with purple scent; wafts through the open doors and windows. everywhere my bare feet travel, heady breaths. also, we get to wear not much or nothing at all when the sun shines. i have been lying on the earth.

i sewed something yesterday. realised i was in a block because the desk i want to refinish has been sitting in the wood shed staring at me. so i finally sanded it and voila, sewing took place.

sewing on a party recovery day, no less. because friday night i got to connect with some lovely poetry music. she sang us to turn towards the darkness, that the darkness is who we are as much as the light. i feel so relieved when someone articulates this. i crave hearing it.

little children, when you are born do you know what you are?

blood, bone, stone and stars. 

-marley daemon

it's mother's day and we accidentally landed ourselves in the brunch celebrations. it was tender. grief and loss, beauty and grief. i felt a quiet dullness. and i am grateful for only that. never know when  a big wave will hit. these days i know they will pass, the ocean will be vast and still and beautiful again. and there will be storms forever. grateful, too, to know that. to feel it in my body even when i weep. maybe that, more than anything, is what i have learned through this loss.

when we got home, samwell cried. then he began repairing the bench to put beside his mother's grave. i felt so moved to see that. my man, taking care. 

hope you are, too. taking care,

k.